So your kid hated the camp you loved as a kid? You’re heartbroken now, right? Of course you are. What parent doesn’t want their son or daughter to love everything they did as a kid? Well, almost everything. Eh-hem. In most cases, we moms and dads want to replicate the excitement, the learning, and the laughter we experienced back in the day. So what gives, kiddo?

Believe it or not, children all over the world don’t like some of the things their parents did at the same tender age. Why? Here’s the breakdown:

• Changes. The camp may have changed. Like any organization, camps evolve. Some get better with time; others get worse. Who knows—from a camper point of view—what direction yours took over the past 25 years?
• Dreams. You have romanticized the experience. I promise. You remember the s’mores, the skit nights, and the sunny days. But do you also remember the homesickness, the wedgies, and the rainy days?
• Quirks. Your child is not you. Many children resemble their parents in mannerisms, food preferences, and intelligence. Fewer resemble their parents in personality, activity preferences, and social style. The camp that fit your interests and developmental level may not fit your child. At all. Maybe ever. And that’s OK.
• Apples. One bad apple can spoil the bushel. The camp may have improved, your recollection may be accurate, and your child may have been a perfect fit. But…last summer may also have been ruined by a rare cruel cabin mate or (less rare) undertrained counselor.

So now what? These and other reasons for a misfit may make sense out of mystery, but you still need options for next summer. Here are a few good ones:

• Breathe. Take a deep breath. Respect the individuality of your child. Honor the ways in which he or she is different from you. It’s exciting to think about the fascinating directions his or her life will take.
• See. Keep an open mind. Maybe your child will return to the camp of your childhood and love it next summer; maybe he or she will attend a different camp. Heck, maybe camp is not even in the cards.
• Invite. Know the research. Children who feel forced to go to camp are much more likely to experience intense homesickness than those who feel a sense of agency. Involve your child in all of the big and small decisions about how he or she spends the summer.
• Learn. Engage your child in a series of low-key, candid conversation about his or her experience. You know they didn’t like it, but now is the time to find out more. Ask: “What were some of the best things about camp?” and “What were some of the worst things about camp?” and “What might make a camp experience better next summer?”
• Listen. Listen carefully, without defending your camp. The key to finding the truth about last summer is to not contradict your child. His or her experience was their reality. Respect that by simply listening. Do not offer explanations, solutions, or—worse yet—minimizing the intensity of their dislike with phrases such as, “It couldn’t have been that bad” or “I know Camp X and I’m sure it wasn’t like that.”

If camp is still under consideration, use the two-column technique and list (with your child) the pros and cons of camp, in general. Then, talk about whether your camp is worth a second try. If there was something specific and solvable, call the camp director (with your child) and see what can be done to remediate the problem your child has identified.

If camp is not under consideration, table it for now. Use a different piece of paper and list some other options. Music lessons? Parks and rec programs? Sports clinics? Volunteer work? Art classes? Your openness to some non-camp choices will actually cause your child to reconsider a summary dismissal of camp. If you space out a series of conversations about the summer, you will further depressurize the topic and open your son or daughter’s mind up to different possibilities. And yes, that includes the possibility of returning to the camp you enjoyed so much as a child.

Whatever you and your child decide—together—about next summer, you can be assured that he or she will get a lot out of the respect you’ve shown; the partnership you’ve formed; the freedom you’ve granted. Lay out the menu of options, but don’t force-feed any one choice or it’s likely to backfire. True growth involves self-actualization. And whether that happens at your camp is less important than whether it happens at all.

Enjoy the summer!

Dr. Christopher Thurber

Doctors Chris Thurber and Jon Malinowski are the authors of ‘The Summer Camp Handbook’, an excellent source of expert advice about choosing camps, packing essential camp gear, and emotionally preparing your child (as well as yourself) for the approaching summer camp season. Check it out for yourself right here. Thanks for reading.

Hey, Unhappy Campers.

Did the summer camp season leave you disappointed and unimpressed? All the good things everyone had to say about camp and everything you read about it (including posts on THIS Blog) led you to believe that your kid’s summer camp experience would be nothing short of amazing. What went wrong? While this certainly isn’t the norm, it’s not unheard of for children to have an unpleasant summer camp experience. However, I cannot stress this next point enough—just because your kid didn’t like their summer camp, doesn’t mean that they don’t like SUMMER CAMP.

If you didn’t pick the right camp for your kid, there’s still hope to find a different one that your kid will enjoy next year. Finding a dud camp stinks for that summer visit, but in the long run, it’s a bad taste in your mouth that goes away petty quick.

Even the summer camp experts who wrote the literal book on camp, ‘The Summer Camp Handbook’, didn’t fall in love with the summer camp experience at first sight. Both of their initial camp stays were chaotic and ungainful. But it wasn’t enough to deter them from pursuing better camps that offered a little more organization and fun. Now they can’t get enough of summer camp!

Tune into this Blog next month (October 12) to read a post contributed to us by one of the authors of ‘The Summer Camp Handbook’, Dr. Chris Thurber. Chris will take the reins on this topic and give you great advice for giving your kids a healthy, unforceful push back into the summer camp direction despite their recent disenchantment.

So, if your kid didn’t enjoy their time at summer camp this season, don’t despair—just come back to the Everything Summer Camp Blog for excellent advice on the subject. And, as always, thanks for reading!

- John

Hey Camp Fans!

The Everything Summer Camp Blog today presents a special Thurber Throwback post in which I am linking back to a past post I feel is so valuable, I want to review it by getting it in front of you again. Today’s Throwback post goes back about a year ago to a post written by Dr. Chris Thurber—summer camp expert—about camp friends staying in touch on social media after the camp season is over.

Thurber’s post ‘Post-Camp Post’ offers excellent advice and tips about letting your kids stay in touch with camp friends online or by means of texting and other ways of staying connected via electronics. It’s all right here on Everything Summer Camp’s Blog post from July 28 of last year.

- John

Hey, Camp Parents!

Last Tuesday I gave you some pointers on making sure that you and your kid have a great visit during Visiting Days at summer camp. I focused a lot on you, giving you advice about Visiting Day—when to visit, not planning for it, giving yourself an arrival window, and what to do if you can’t make it.

Today, however, I’d like to focus more so on your kids and how they’ll react to being reunited with you.

You’re in for some curious behavior coming from them! As mentioned by summer camp experts, Chris Thurber and Jon Malinowski, in ‘The Summer Camp Handbook,’ your kids’ behavior can be so unpredictable that it helps to think of their different types of reactions in categories. Here are a couple of Chris and Jon’s categories:

The Fountain of Youth
These kids are really into camp! They want to bring you up to speed about everything without taking a breath. You might be scared that your kid likes camp so much that it’s more important to them than seeing you, but these turbo-speed stories should actually be comforting; your kid knows that you’re #1 in their lives. That’s why they want to fill you in on everything immediately! Enjoy the tornado!

The Poker Face
Typically ALL kids enjoy their camp stay, but Poker Face kids are oddly quiet when you see them. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t enjoying their time at camp, it usually means that camp is really special to them and they might be a little bit depressed to see that their stay is already half over. They might not know exactly how to react when they see you. But, don’t worry! You’ll get to hear their stories sooner or later.

You can read about Chris and Jon’s other camper categories and find a plethora of other helpful advice in ‘The Summer Camp Handbook’. Visiting Day can be very emotional for campers and parents alike, so definitely be prepared for it. And, as always, thanks for reading.

- John

Hey, Camp Parents!

Visiting Day is undoubtedly going to be a big day for you and your kid! After all it means that two of their worlds are merging for them—their home life and summer camp. Your kid will likely love it, but could be a little overwhelmed by it as well. Just the same as the separation of summer camp can produce some homesickness, this sudden reunion can cause your child to undergo some unpredictable behavior.

That’s why I’m writing this two-part Blog series for today and next Tuesday, to give you some tips for visiting your kid at camp. Today, I’m giving you just one tip—or one Cardinal Rule to keep in mind for Visiting Day:

It’s ALL ABOUT Your Kid!

Having said that, here are four key tips and pointers within this Chief Rule:

Visit on Visiting Day
If it isn’t ‘Visiting Day’, ‘Family Day,’ ‘Parents’ Weekend’, or whatever your camp calls it, then you shouldn’t be visiting. Visiting unannounced on a day that isn’t scheduled for visiting is a bad idea. All it does is create envious friends, provoke homesickness for your kid, and deter you’re his or her blooming sense of independence.

Don’t Plan Anything
Pretty much everything about visiting day is sure to be out of your control so try to just go with it as it unfurls. Your kid has so much to show you, there’s no time to spare on something you had planned. Let your kid give you the tour. And throughout the tour, try to reserve any harsh judgments. When kids are expressing their excitement and interests, don’t make them defend themselves about these things.

Don’t Give Exact Times
It’s best to give a window for your arrival instead of an exact time. You’ll be able to stick to a time range much better than you can an exact time. There’s no telling what hiccups or snags might delay you. Instead of saying ‘9 am,’ say you’ll get there sometime between ‘9 and 10.’

If You Can’t Make It…
Huge distances, emergency situations—sometimes, Visiting Day is just impossible. Try working something else out. It isn’t the same as seeing their own parents, but kids love going out with their friends’ families on Visiting Days. You’ll need to call, write, fax, or email the camp to make this arrangement and give your permission to have your kid leave the camp with somebody else.

If you can, it’s good to set plans like this up weeks in advance in order to give your kid some time to adjust to the idea. And check out ‘The Summer Camp Handbook,’ written by Chris Thurber and Jon Malinowski for more excellent information on the topic.

Tune in next Tuesday to read about your kid’s reaction to your reunion. And, as always, thanks for reading.

- John