Closing Day = Opening Hearts and Minds

Children’s reactions to being reunited with their parents are tough to predict. Rather than predict your family’s exact experience, let me share with you some typical reactions that I’ve seen over the years. These descriptions are a bit abstract. No child will behave exactly like these stereotypes, but it’s helpful to know how widely kids’ reunion behavior varies. Your child may show a combination of these responses.

The Fountain of Youth: Fountain of Youth kids will be very excited about their camp experience and will immediately want to describe everything about camp in two minutes. Parents will be drenched with a steady stream of stories and explanations that they may not completely understand. Not to worry. Fountain of Youth kids know that their parents are the most important people in their lives, so they want to share with them all the great things that happened. Whirlwind tours of important places and people are a common part of this sharing. Parents should just smile and go along for the ride (with a camera, of course!).

The Poker Face. Poker Face kids probably had a great time at camp, but are oddly quiet on closing day. They don’t want to tell their parents much right away, but parents should not assume this is because they disliked camp. It’s just that Poker Face kids have an especially hard time leaving. They may be a little depressed about leaving new friends and wonderful places. However, the stories and experiences, good or bad, will come out in time. Parents who want the scoop right away can spend a few extra minutes talking to the child’s cabin leader.

The Tearful Camper. Tearful Campers are visibly moved by the close of camp. Tears are a real testament to the power of the camp experience. Indeed, a priceless moment for a cabin leader or a parent is witnessing a camper who cried when he arrived (because the separation was so hard) suddenly cry from sadness that he is leaving. Tearful Campers may want to leave quickly to avoid the awkwardness of the moment, or they may wish to linger. Parents should ask their child’s preference or play the day by ear.

The Sensationalist. Sensationalists immediately tell their parents the single most dramatic thing that happened to them during their camp stay. “When we were camping out, the tent stakes broke and it started to rain, and my sleeping bag got muddy, and then we heard thunder, and I thought we were gonna die!” Don’t assume the worst. All campers have a mix of powerful positive and negative experiences at camp. Sensationalists may tell horror stories, but most of them had a great time at camp. Parents should listen carefully to get a balanced account of the session.

In the days, weeks, and months that follow closing day, you can expect three things: (1) increased self-reliance; (2) ongoing stories about camp; (3) emotional volatility. The best response to all of this is empathy. Notice what your son or daughter is doing independently and compliment them for their initiative and maturity. Listen carefully to their adventure narratives and ask open-ended questions about why such-and-such was meaningful. And tolerate the mood swings that are a natural byproduct of challenge and triumph.

Enjoy the summer!

Dr. Christopher Thurber

Visiting Day Tips & Preparation

About the only thing you can expect on visiting day is that it won’t go quite how you planned it. That’s OK, as long as you remain flexible and open to the experience. Most of you have read my research on homesickness prevention. Think of visiting day as the flip side of that coin. Whereas homesickness is a byproduct of an actual or anticipated separation from home, your child’s erratic visiting day behavior is a byproduct of the intense reunion. Responding sanely takes forethought.

Let’s start with the most obvious bright point: Visiting camp can bring your child great pleasure. But be sure to come only when the camp allows. For example, some camps have a “parents’ weekend,” where parents get to visit their children and see them perform some of the new skills they’ve learned. Other camps have a “visiting day” between sessions, so if your child is staying at camp for two consecutive sessions, you can visit for a day in between.

Whatever the case, abide by the camp’s published schedule. Visiting camp unannounced or on a day that has not been scheduled for visitation is a bad plan. More so than phone calls, in-person visits are an immediate form of contact that can provoke homesickness in your child and envy among her friends.

Unscheduled visits are disruptive to campers’ developing sense of independence. If you have any doubts about the appropriateness of your visit, be sure to call the camp and speak with the director.

Next, prepare yourself for some capricious displays of emotion. Thinking in categories makes it all seem less chaotic. Among the wide range of conduct you’re likely to see on visiting day or closing day are:

The Fountain of Youth. Fountain of Youth kids will be very excited about their camp experience and will immediately want to describe everything about camp in two minutes. Parents will be drenched with a steady stream of stories and explanations that they may not completely understand. Not to worry. Fountain of Youth kids know that their parents are the most important people in their lives, so they want to share with them all the great things that happened. Whirlwind tours of important places and people are a common part of this sharing. Parents should just smile and go along for the ride (with a camera, of course!).

The Poker Face. Poker Face kids probably had a great time at camp, but are oddly quiet on closing day. They don’t want to tell their parents much right away, but parents should not assume this is because they disliked camp. It’s just that Poker Face kids have an especially hard time leaving. They may be a little depressed about leaving new friends and wonderful places. However, the stories and experiences, good or bad, will come out in time. Parents who want the scoop right away can spend a few extra minutes talking to the child’s cabin leader.

The Tearful Camper. Tearful Campers are visibly moved by the close of camp. Tears are a real testament to the power of the overnight camp experience. Indeed, a priceless moment for a cabin leader or a parent is witnessing a camper who cried when he arrived (because the separation was so hard) suddenly cry from sadness that he is leaving. Tearful Campers may want to leave quickly to avoid the awkwardness of the moment, or they may wish to linger. Parents should ask their child’s preference or play the day by ear.

The Sensationalist. Sensationalists immediately tell their parents the single most dramatic thing that happened to them during their camp stay. “When we were camping out, the tent stakes broke and it started to rain, and my sleeping bag got muddy, and then we heard thunder, and I thought we were gonna die!” Don’t assume the worst. All campers have a mix of powerful positive and negative experiences at camp. Sensationalists may tell horror stories, but most of them had a great time at camp. Parents should listen carefully to get a balanced account of the session.

A few other things to remember about visiting day:

• Be on time. Stick to what you promised on opening day. Your son or daughter will be counting on it.

• Take a tour. Your child would love to show you around camp. Keep any critical comments to yourself—this is your child’s time to shine, not defend himself.

• Keep an open mind. You’ll wonder about certain aspects of camp. Ask gently for an explanation before passing judgment. Praise all of your child’s accomplishments.

• Share any sad news early and in person. Telling your child about the death of a pet or sharing any other bad news is best done in person, not in a letter or a phone call (when you’re not there to provide comfort). Break any bad news to your child early on visiting day to give you both time to talk about it.

• Send a replacement if you’ll be absent. Your child wants to see you more than anyone else in the world. However, if you can’t make it up for visiting day, tell your child far in advance. If possible, plan for a friend’s parents to include your child in their own visiting day festivities.

• Prepare for strong feelings. Visiting day can be a wonderfully emotional time, but it’s often hard for kids to say goodbye. Resist the temptation to offer your child a ride home. Instead, be understanding and encouraging. You’ll see her again soon.

Enjoy the summer!

Dr. Christopher Thurber

Care Package Care

Receiving a package is a fun tradition at summer camp. When it comes to camp care packages here are a few things to keep in mind. Care packages themselves grab children’s attention; what’s inside matters less than the fact that they are receiving a package. The package itself says, “I’ve been thinking about you and I love you.” They are part of a summertime ritual in which millions of families participate.

I said “matters less” not “doesn’t matter.” Remember that camps have rules against contraband. Most camps don’t allow food care packages because they attract ants and critters, some of which are large, like sweets, and rhyme with share. Cookies, cakes, and candies also spoil children’s appetites for healthy camp food, so save it all for the first day home. Most camps also don’t allow dangerous items or electronics. (Yes, parents have tried to ship fillet knives for tackle boxes, fireworks for the Fourth of July, and even cell phones for late-night check-ins.) Camps are ethical environments where following community rules is highly valued. Parents would be wise to set a good example by following care package guidelines.

So, what’s fun to include in a safe, legal, and healthy care package? Keep in mind that camp is about connection. Your son or daughter will be making lifelong friends, so send gear that facilitates connection. Solitary electronic games are about the worst thing to send, but non-electronic games that help young people play together include:

• Frisbees® and other flying disks
  
• Camp Talk Cards (for terrific conversation starters)
• Checkers, Chess, Go, Mastermind, and other portable board games
• Mad-Libs® and other group word games
• Wildlife identification books (great for nature walks)
• Paper airplane and origami how-to books
• Uno® and other card games (as long as there is no betting involved)

You can find many of these items or something similar in our Travel Games for summer camp when you click here.

Send age-appropriate sports and hobby magazines, literary and science publications, and newspaper clippings. Interesting printed media get shared and traded at camp, but steer clear of magazines and comics with sketchy, sexualized, or violent content.

You also might include an item or two that your child doesn’t have to share, such as:

• A Novel
• A T-shirt
• A Puzzle
• A Baseball Cap
• Photos of the Family
• A Small Stuffed Animal
• Visual Art Accessories
• A Blank Scrapbook or Journal to Start at Camp

Just remember: Providing the camp experience for your son or daughter already shows how much you care. You care about their growth and development. You care about their happiness. And you care about their out-of-classroom learning. Seen in this light, care packages are completely unnecessary. In fact, most overnight campers don’t receive care packages. Feel free not to send one. Instead, tell your children how much you love them in a newsy, upbeat, handwritten letter. A couple letters a week is plenty enough to sustain a meaningful connection with home. And if you can’t resist the temptation to send something more, keep it modest.

Enjoy the summer!

Dr. Christopher Thurber

On Not Documenting Every Moment

I had a surreal moment last summer. I’d been attending camps for 39 years, working at the same camp for 30 years, and writing about camps for nearly 20 years when I finally got the chance to drop off my own son at camp. The summer of 2011 was Dacha’s first two-week stay at overnight camp. The moment I had been looking forward to since a decade before I even had children had finally arrived.

My camp director friends had made all kinds of predictions about that day. “Your kid’s gonna flip out,” some of them guessed, “because there’s been so much build-up to this moment.” “You’re gonna lose your junk,” others speculated, “because you’ll be over-analyzing every second of what Dacha does.” A few also suggested, “You and Dacha are going to be fine. It’s the cabin leader I’m worried about. It’s not every day that the author of The Summer Camp Handbook drops his son off at camp.” Sheesh.

In reality, none of that came true. Dacha was exited to be a camper, having grown up on the property but not having been allowed to participate in anything except waterfront activities. And I stepped through the entire day as if I’d done it a million times (which I kinda had, at least from the point of view of the cabin leader). Surprisingly (or perhaps not), we had remembered to pack everything. Heck, I didn’t even linger to chat up Dacha’s cabin leader. Why should I have? I trained the guy myself.

But I did make one huge mistake. I busted out my flash video recorder and tried to capture the whole experience with megapixel fidelity. The result: I was a step removed from actually savoring the moment. I knew what was going on, but I was so intent on memorializing that half hour from main-lodge check-in to our final goodbye hug that I missed the experience of dropping my son off at camp. And watching the video is completely unsatisfactory. It’s like trying to enjoy a sunset on Skype.

I realize that only a few parents reading this month’s column are youth development professionals who will be dropping off their own flesh and blood at camp this summer. And even fewer of you reading this have written advice columns for parents about creating a successful camp experience for your children. But that doesn’t matter. We all have one thing in common: We love our children and we enjoy being part of their lives. ‘Nuf said.

For this reason, I urge you to keep your smart phone and all other electronics at home on opening day. I’ll allow you one posed photo with the counselor in front of the cabin, but that’s it. Honestly. Plan to spend opening day breathing in the fresh air, listening carefully to your son or daughter’s tone, observing the subtleties in his or her behavior, and interacting face-to-face, not through a lens. The emotional memory you will create that day by being present in the moment will be higher def than any flash video. On opening day, be a parent, not a producer.

Have a wonderful summer!

Dr. Christopher Thurber

Hey, Water Fans!

Get informative tips about the importance of keeping hydrated as you go about your highly active and scorching hot camp days. Learn the tell-tale signs of severe dehydration that our bodies put out to warn ourselves when we’re at dangerously low hydration levels. Read the straight facts about how water fuels our bodies and come across interesting information and helpful tips for keeping water on your person at summer camp. This post from the Everything Summer Camp company writer has been removed from our Blog site and moved to our main site’s Camp 101 feature. Click here to read this helpful Blog post.