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Mean Beans

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Hey, Spring-Lovers!

In the aftermath of Easter, today we have National Jelly Bean Day to show our appreciation to these little candies that have become springtime favorites. To celebrate this holiday, I brought our work team together to compete for $20 by eating Jelly Bean treats. However, these were not your ordinary beans; I brought Bean-Boozled Beans! The recipients roll a color die, and pick a Jelly Bean according to their roll.

Bean-Boozled Beans are a mixture of sugary treats and revolting flavors. And all the beans are paired to look identical to a certain other flavors so players don’t know if they’re about to eat a Buttered Popcorn Bean or a Rotten Egg…Close up of assorted multicolored jelly beans.

It’s a pretty awful game.

But with $20 on the line we gathered a crowd of brave souls who weren’t afraid to stomach the potential flavor of Boogers, Spoiled Milk, Dead Fish, or worse! Some folks hoped they might luck out and see their way through the competition with the good flavors—pulling beans like Berry Blue, Chocolate Pudding, or Tuitti-Fruitti.

The rules were simple: If you make a face at the flavor, you’re out. If you make it to the end, you win.

Our Vice President, Mark, was the first to bow out as the taste of Canned Dog Food did not sit well with his palette. But Brian, Matt, Nate, Deb, Sara, Mike, and Bob all carried on until Bob quit in the third round when he hit a Barf flavor bean. “I’m out!” He exclaimed.

The numbers dwindled one by one after that. Brian couldn’t choke down the Dead Fish flavor. A Moldy Cheese bean got the best of Deb while the Spoiled Milk flavor made Sara cringe.

And then there were three.

Nate, Matt, and Mike passed round after round with a little bit of luck and lot more perseverance until Matt hit a bean that tasted like a Stinky Sock that took him right out of commission. His eyes watered and he went beet-red. Only Nate and Mike remained. The two matched each other swallowing some terrible tastes but holding back their frowns and gag reflexes.

After a handful of rounds, we upped the ante, making it so each of them had to eat a combo of flavors. “The Toothpaste is sort of overpowering whatever the other one is,” said Mike. Meanwhile, Nate just shook his head. “I don’t know what this is,” he said. “It’s not good.” But despite their struggles, the two powered through and moved up to three beans in the next round.

Eventually, the remainder of the beans were divided in half which left about ten for Nate and ten for Mike. The two bid one another good luck and with an anxious called out “Cheers!” And then—down the hatch! You could see the pain behind their straight faces as they chewed and chewed their mystery hodgepodge of nasty corn syrup creations. But neither of them would cave.

With these two left standing, it seemed only right that they split the prize money after such equal displays of bravery and valor. More than just $10 each, these two won National Jelly Bean Day! Congratulations two Nate and Mike for this disgusting accomplishment. Please, see the video below to catch a moment or two from this cringey contest and, as always, thanks for reading!


- John



Posted in The ESC Funzone


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